Coming Up On Our Due Date

January 27, 2011 would have been our due date.  As it approaches so does the memory of what we went through.  We were so surprised and elated to learn we were pregnant on May 18th.  We had met with our new RE in April and were ready to do IVF the following month.  It was like God sent us a sign.  We were getting ready to sign our life away into debt and then all of a sudden there is a little bean looking object in my belly.  Something we had been praying and trying for for over 2 years.  We were planning which bedroom would be the nursery and how we would arrange it, paint it, etc.  Then at 9 weeks we learn our little bean's heart quit beating at 7 weeks 5 days.  It was unbearable to think that there was a dead baby inside of me.  All I could think about was getting it out.  My OB was awesome and immediately got me in for a D&C.  That was probably the worst day of our lives.  We had to say goodbye to something we had tried for so long to have and now it was gone, just in the blink of an eye.  So here we are 9 months later with still nothing to show for it except a few black and white ultrasound pictures.  Instead we are trying to figure out how we will ever be able to afford IVF.  It's also hard to understand why we have to pay for a baby when women all over the world don't have to pay a dime to get pregnant and it's hard to spend $15k when we were pregnant once before.  Could it happen again?  I guess anything is possible but mentally I don't think I could wait another 2 years for it to happen again and my OB even said it could have been a 1 time thing and it may not ever happen again.