I came across this and wanted to share it....It contains part of Psalms 127:3
I feel like it was written for me.....
My Heavenly Father! Listen to the cry of my heart. I am in deep agony and you know the reason. Yes Lord. What is life without the gift of a child. I feel empty Lord. I know you understand my yearnings. Master. The Scripture says that you answered the cries of Hannah and blessed her with a son. I pour out my heart in your presence Lord. Please take into account all my tears and think of my lonely state. I feel so humiliated and worthless to face the world in this state O Lord. My heartaches when I see other children and whenever I feel their gentle touch Lord. I cannot bear the mockery and the agony any more. I have reached the limit of endurance. Have mercy upon me - remember me and bless me with a sweet child Lord. Make my life a meaningful one. Father, forgive my iniquities and break whatever curses are hindering this blessing in my life. Grant my spouse and myself, good health and make our married life a complete one. Lord I promise to bring up my child in your fear and knowledge. So help me my father and turn my sorrows into joy. Honour me Lord by granting me a child for your name's glory. I expect a miracle from your mighty hand and I thank you even now for making my life whole. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Drum Roll.....And the Results Are In....
We received Adam's SA results yesterday. There is good news and bad news. The good news is his motility improved significantly. However, the bad news is his morphology went down to 0%. It was good to see his motility show some improvement but that was not our goal in doing the surgery. Our goal was to see some improvement in his morphology and instead of seeing improvement we are seeing just the opposite. His morphology has actually decreased since doing the surgery.
A routine semen analysis typically assesses the volume, concentration, percent motility and progression of the sample. Sperm morphology is determined by the "Kruger Strict Morphology" method. For this test, the sperm are judged as normal based on the following criteria:
1. Head must be oval in shape with smooth contours with the acromsome taking up 40-70% of the head.
2. Neck and mid-piece must have no abnormalities
3. Tail must not be coiled or bend and should not have a droplet at the end.
After 200 individual sperm are counted at a magnification of 1,000 times, the percent of normal forms is calculated. More than 15% is in the normal range with a good prognosis, 5% - 14% is considered fair to good and 0%-4% is poor prognosis. We are 0% so it just makes our decision to do IVF with ICSI even easier. How we ever got pregnant on our own, I will never understand. It was truly a miracle.
Who knew you were going to get a lesson on how to understand the Kruger Method. You do learn something new everyday! What I have learned is that if you are having problems with motility, I highly recommend doing the Varicocele surgery and if you are having problems with morphology, don't waste your time and the pain you will put your husband through.
Now we move on to our doctor appointment in March to talk about and set up our IVF protocal. I was told over the weekend by a friend, who our new doctor got pregnant with IVF, that he did 5 IVF cycles in January and all 5 girls did get pregnant (but 1did miscarry). I am ecstatic about his odds. I have a really good feeling about Dr. Carnovale.
A routine semen analysis typically assesses the volume, concentration, percent motility and progression of the sample. Sperm morphology is determined by the "Kruger Strict Morphology" method. For this test, the sperm are judged as normal based on the following criteria:
1. Head must be oval in shape with smooth contours with the acromsome taking up 40-70% of the head.
2. Neck and mid-piece must have no abnormalities
3. Tail must not be coiled or bend and should not have a droplet at the end.
After 200 individual sperm are counted at a magnification of 1,000 times, the percent of normal forms is calculated. More than 15% is in the normal range with a good prognosis, 5% - 14% is considered fair to good and 0%-4% is poor prognosis. We are 0% so it just makes our decision to do IVF with ICSI even easier. How we ever got pregnant on our own, I will never understand. It was truly a miracle.
Who knew you were going to get a lesson on how to understand the Kruger Method. You do learn something new everyday! What I have learned is that if you are having problems with motility, I highly recommend doing the Varicocele surgery and if you are having problems with morphology, don't waste your time and the pain you will put your husband through.
Now we move on to our doctor appointment in March to talk about and set up our IVF protocal. I was told over the weekend by a friend, who our new doctor got pregnant with IVF, that he did 5 IVF cycles in January and all 5 girls did get pregnant (but 1did miscarry). I am ecstatic about his odds. I have a really good feeling about Dr. Carnovale.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Adam's 6 Month "Check Up"
This morning I dropped off Adam's swimmers to see if there are any improvements from his surgery last August. We are told if there is no improvement this time, then the surgery did not work. At least we can say we tried. Poor Adam however is still sore from the surgery and probably always will be. Sorry babe.
It's always a challenge to get the collection because you can't do it in the doctors office because the room they put you in usually has a couple of used magazines that are about 10 years old and a pee pad on the couch. So gross! The goal is not to make contact with anything in the room. You can also hear everyone walking up and down the hallway which can be a real mood killer. Then there is the dreaded walk of shame out of the room where everyone knows what you just did. We have found it is much easier to collect at home and take the sample in. The only problem is you are on a time crunch to get the little guys there before they start dying. Temperature is also a big concern and I have found that placing the cup in between my boobs not only makes it easy to hold the cup but also helps keep them at body temperature. We are hoping this will be the last time we have do this with the exception of IVF.
We should know the results within a week. I will keep you all posted.
We also love reading comments about you think about our posts. Everyone, feel free to leave us comments, good or bad.
It's always a challenge to get the collection because you can't do it in the doctors office because the room they put you in usually has a couple of used magazines that are about 10 years old and a pee pad on the couch. So gross! The goal is not to make contact with anything in the room. You can also hear everyone walking up and down the hallway which can be a real mood killer. Then there is the dreaded walk of shame out of the room where everyone knows what you just did. We have found it is much easier to collect at home and take the sample in. The only problem is you are on a time crunch to get the little guys there before they start dying. Temperature is also a big concern and I have found that placing the cup in between my boobs not only makes it easy to hold the cup but also helps keep them at body temperature. We are hoping this will be the last time we have do this with the exception of IVF.
We should know the results within a week. I will keep you all posted.
We also love reading comments about you think about our posts. Everyone, feel free to leave us comments, good or bad.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Update on Adam Tracking my Cycle and Other Random Things
So far I have not calculated what day of my cycle I am on or even sneaked a peak at the test strips. Each morning Adam turns on the Ovulation Predictor Monitor and dictates what I need to do that morning. I have to admit this is working out wonderfully. I would be lying if I said I haven't been tempted to do the math or turn on the monitor to see what day I am on or how many bars are on there but then I keep thinking about how nice it is not to be all stressed out.
On a side note we wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day. We have chose not to celebrate this year to help save money. We will be dining on left overs this evening and watching whatever is on the TV and working on our puzzle. At least we can celebrate together, that is what is important.
One last thing- Adam and I are very blessed with all the prayers you all are saying for us. We are asking that you add some very special friends of ours into your prayers. They are going through a really tough time right now and could use some extra prayers. Thanks!
On a side note we wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day. We have chose not to celebrate this year to help save money. We will be dining on left overs this evening and watching whatever is on the TV and working on our puzzle. At least we can celebrate together, that is what is important.
One last thing- Adam and I are very blessed with all the prayers you all are saying for us. We are asking that you add some very special friends of ours into your prayers. They are going through a really tough time right now and could use some extra prayers. Thanks!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Get Your Kleenex Handy
Infertility affects Adam and I differently. It affects me more hormonally meaning it's not only my mind but my body physically yearns to carry a baby. I want to physically experience being pregnant. I would give anything to know what it's like to have morning sickness or swollen feet. Adam on the other hand has a yearning that comes from the heart. Here is where I warn you to have a Kleenex handy. This morning I was in the bathroom getting ready and Adam was taking his shower. He usually serenades me with a song that is stuck in his head but instead out of the blue he says, "I can't wait to change my name." I think to myself, "what in the world is he talking about." I finally gave up and replied, "what do you mean by changing your name?" Adam replied "To Daddy. I can't wait for my name to be Daddy." This is the 1st time he has ever mentioned anything like this to me. It was all I could do to keep from crying. It broke my heart to hear him say this. For those of you who know Adam and have ever seen him interact with children, he is a natural. It makes me sad to think he might not ever get to hear the word "daddy". I told him to remember that when we are going through IVF and use it as motivation. He also told me that is how he wants me to tell him we are pregnant. He wants me to let him know his name will be changing.
Infertility is the hardest thing Adam and I have ever gone through as a couple. It has however helped us strengthen our commitment and love for each other. I love you Adam and can't wait for the day that both our names will change. Happy Valentines Day.
Infertility is the hardest thing Adam and I have ever gone through as a couple. It has however helped us strengthen our commitment and love for each other. I love you Adam and can't wait for the day that both our names will change. Happy Valentines Day.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Switching Doctors
After much discussion Adam and I have decided to switch RE's for the last time. As much as we hate to pack up our medical records now for the 4th time, yes that's right, 4th time we feel it will be very beneficial in the end. Now in our defense, our 1st RE moved to Texas, the 2nd RE lied on my medical records about what was done and even had another patients information on my chart, and my 3rd RE is great but the practice is just too big for us. We want more of a hands on approach and want to feel confident in our treatment. So now we are making an appointment with Dr. Carnovale at Community North. He is fairly new to the Indy area so his practice is still on the smaller side. He has a 75% success rate and comes highly recommended. He also uses the labs our insurance uses so we might be able to save some money when we do our IVF. We are really excited for the change. Our new patient consult appointment is set for March 8th at 2:30pm. We wanted to make sure we'll have Adam's latest and greatest SA results (which is February 17th). Unless we see a dramatic improvement in his morphology, it looks like IVF will be our only chance at conceiving. It makes me so mad sometimes to think that we have to pay $15k to (try- no guarantee) make a baby and others get to do it the "old fashioned way". Our new patient consult will cost us anywhere from $260.00 to $564.00. OUCH! and that's just the consult. I just pray every day we'll figure out a way to come up with the money for IVF. So far I'm still waiting on God to answer them, I just hope it's sooner than later........
Monday, February 7, 2011
Adam is in Charge
We are officially on to another cycle. I was thinking "What is something different we could try this cycle that we have never done before?" Then it came to me......I am going to let Adam be in complete control of this cycle. He will track my cycle with the ovulation predictor monitor and be in charge of when "it" should happen. I have pledged to him that I will not track my cycle and leave everything up to him. I am a scheduler and since I am not in control of my body and when it ovulates, I tend to get stressed out and have even caused myself not to ovulate. Doing this will keep me from knowing when the big ovulation happens. Adam will be the only one who knows when we get the 3 bars on the ovulation predictor monitor. Lets just hope he doesn't abuse this if you know what I mean....LOL. My hope is that Adam will also be more involved in this cycle since I am always the one checking the monitor every morning, peeing on a stick, tracking every change in my body and watching for the 3 bars to show that I am ovulating. I will still have an idea of when my body will ovulate but I will not know the 24 hour time window like I usually do. I have to admit, it feels good to let someone else take over.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Choices.....Multiple or Single IVF
My cycle is slowly coming to an end (I cheated and took an HPT- Neg.) which signifies another month we didn't conceive. This now equals 29 months of TTC. Now depression will start setting in until I ovulate again. Then we will start to get our hopes up because we feel like we might get lucky again and spontaneously get pregnant. I know- crazy? huh? Then after I ovulate we start the dreaded 2WW again and then everything will repeat. This is what a month is like for us. It is filled with some highs and lots of lows. It's sad because Adam mentioned to me today that he was being very careful what he said to me because he knew this is my "depressed" time of the month and I can be very negative. Which he is absolutely right. At least my cycle ends just in time for my monthly support group meeting.
When each cycle comes to end the IVF topic gets brought back up. I am very scared to only get to try IVF 1 time. Our odds for it working the first time is pretty low. I only know of 1 out of 6 girls who had it work on the first try. I am not a math major but even I know that makes for pretty crappy odds. Our doctors office offers a multiple IVF program but it comes with stipulations and added costs. For $18,500 we can get up to 4 IVF cycles. It would be for 2 fresh and 2 frozen. This means we could do IVF 2 times with my fresh eggs and IF we have any eggs to freeze we could do up to 2 cycles with my frozen eggs. The chances we will have extra eggs to freeze from a fresh cycle is I believe less than 30%. Plus there are added costs. The $18,500 does NOT include any of the drugs I will need which usually costs anywhere from $3,000 to $5,000 depending my my drug protocol, anesthesia which costs approx. $600, ICSI which costs approx $1500, and crynopreservation (freezing of the eggs) which costs approx. $600. So the added costs would total around $7,500 per fresh cycle and around $2,100 for a frozen cycle if I were to even have frozen eggs. So we could pay $25,000 for 1 cycle if we did get pregnant on our first IVF. The only good thing about the program is you can keep trying (with the 2 fresh, 2 frozen cycles) if you do not bring home a live baby. The bad thing is how do we come up with $25,000 when we can't even come up with $15,000 for 1 IVF? As it is now, it looks like IVF might be pushed off indefinitely until we figure out to come up with the money. It looks like our choice between multiple cycle and single cycle might have been decided for us. Why can't we just hit the lottery? This would make things so much easier for us. See why this becomes my "depressed" part of my cycle.
When each cycle comes to end the IVF topic gets brought back up. I am very scared to only get to try IVF 1 time. Our odds for it working the first time is pretty low. I only know of 1 out of 6 girls who had it work on the first try. I am not a math major but even I know that makes for pretty crappy odds. Our doctors office offers a multiple IVF program but it comes with stipulations and added costs. For $18,500 we can get up to 4 IVF cycles. It would be for 2 fresh and 2 frozen. This means we could do IVF 2 times with my fresh eggs and IF we have any eggs to freeze we could do up to 2 cycles with my frozen eggs. The chances we will have extra eggs to freeze from a fresh cycle is I believe less than 30%. Plus there are added costs. The $18,500 does NOT include any of the drugs I will need which usually costs anywhere from $3,000 to $5,000 depending my my drug protocol, anesthesia which costs approx. $600, ICSI which costs approx $1500, and crynopreservation (freezing of the eggs) which costs approx. $600. So the added costs would total around $7,500 per fresh cycle and around $2,100 for a frozen cycle if I were to even have frozen eggs. So we could pay $25,000 for 1 cycle if we did get pregnant on our first IVF. The only good thing about the program is you can keep trying (with the 2 fresh, 2 frozen cycles) if you do not bring home a live baby. The bad thing is how do we come up with $25,000 when we can't even come up with $15,000 for 1 IVF? As it is now, it looks like IVF might be pushed off indefinitely until we figure out to come up with the money. It looks like our choice between multiple cycle and single cycle might have been decided for us. Why can't we just hit the lottery? This would make things so much easier for us. See why this becomes my "depressed" part of my cycle.
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